Critical Spirit

Anybody dealing with a critical spirit? If I were to be really honest with you and myself, this would be the sin that I struggle with the most (aside fear, but that's for another day). I have said over and over "It's just so hard to keep my mouth shut when you are looking at a train wreck about to occur." Wow, have I ever been convicted. I believe God created us to "feel". We are emotional beings and if we are not careful we become judgemental and carry a sense of thinking we are better (more Holy) than the ones around us. I have experienced this in my family and even in my own home. It's not healthy and it's not how God expects us to use our knowledge. I wanted to share a story with you that often helps me put myself into check when I feel like being critical. About a year ago I lost my wedding ring. Three of us combed over every inch of our house for over 2 weeks. We took apart and pulled apart every toy box, furniture piece and drawer...nothing. At that time I had a 1 year old and 4 year old and had to be realistic that it could have been long gone down a sewer drain or who knows where. I woke up one morning and decided to spend one last day looking and told myself after that to let it go. I searched and searched and still nothing. Truthfully I was really fighting with pride because I knew that Will would not replace it with another one of that quality. Not to mention I had worn it for 10 years. After I went and looked in my dresser one last time and still had not luck I knew that it was gone. - Now what I haven't told you was that I had been going through something with my husband that I became very bitter over. Don't get the impression that this was a life altering situation, he is probably reading this trying to figure out what in the world I am even talking about. But never the less, I was upset and my feelings were hurt and instead of fighting it out I shut down a became silent, sort of. As I sat in my closet floor I began to pray out loud, I remember asking God to give me peace over the situation and to help me to not obsess over something that was materialistic. I remember even promising that I would try and be happy sporting a gold band seeing is you don't need diamonds to represent your married. (I'm laughing at how ridiculous that sounds and snotty). As soon as I started to get up off the ground I felt the need to stay down and confess more. Confess! I thought, confess what! Hadn't I confessed enough? I became frustrated but continued to ask God to be clear with me what else I was holding onto. And before I knew it my situation with Will was heavy on my heart. After all I did not feel as if I was in the wrong with Will and had no intentions of changing the way I felt about it. The more I said I wouldn't, the more He pushed me to see until it all became clear. He wasn't discrediting my feelings over the situation however He was discrediting my actions and attitude. I knew that I had not honored my marriage the way God had intended. My ring was just an outward symbol, It really only means something to Will and I. But my attitude and actions were my inward commitment to the covenant we took between each other and God. I had to in that moment believe that God was not only big enough to deal with me and my feelings and my faults, but that He was fully equipped to deal with Will too. (Maybe I should have titled this Critical Spirit and Control). After all I was not the one that was going to change a thing except my own actions and in the mean time I was still required to show Will the love and respect he deserved. Ouch, not an easy task but I was willing to try. I finished my conversation with Him, made new commitments, and got on with the laundry. As I walked from the laundry room and passed the kitchen there hanging on my pie stacker, literally sparkling in the sun light was my ring. Eye level...in a place I walk past a thousand times a day...a pie stacker that 3 of us had taken apart several times and there it was. I am covered in chills now just as I was that day. There is no telling how long I stood there with my mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe it. Honestly my feelings were a little hurt that God didn't answer my prayer over finding it (as silly as that sounds), but after all those days of looking and praying, he was just waiting on me.  So here is the question I ask myself when those feelings of judgement start welling up inside of me. Is it really worth it to hold on to our critical spirit? What is God withholding from us when we decide to hang on to it and many times because we think we are owed. This life is too hard to be critical, you never know if God is wanting you to be the voice of love and compassion for someone in a really hard situation. I hope I did not mislead you to think that I have aced this. This is a daily struggle for me and I can think of at least three times today that I have failed. I always repeat over and over in my head as a reminder. Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. My sweet step mom, Mona, called me one time because she was really upset about something and in her crying mess said, "I lost my Fruit Kris, I totally lost my fruit." It was the funniest thing to me and I think about it every time I lose mine. If you are willing I would love to hear some of your stories. I know I can't be the only one out there fighting with my flesh.

Grace and Mercy

It's taking me a long time to actually make the decision to do this. I didn't want this to be a blog about myself, but for it to be a place to share the things that God has and is actively doing in my life. I mean if we can't believe that He is involved in our everyday being and that every second is a ticking moment on His calendar for our life, than what are we to believe? I titled this blog Grace and Mercy because young or old, new to the word or well seasoned we can, in some form, relate to these two things. I'll admit that I hate to be judged by anyone and I am terrible with punctuation and spelling, however I just have the need to share what is on my heart. There are still so many things that I have yet to experience, so many things that I have yet to learn but one thing is certain, with a willing heart He will teach. One thing I pray for often is that His word would never become boring to me. That the path that He has directed for me would cause such a stirring in my heart that would not allow me to quit no matter the obstacles or insecurities that stand in the way. I want to be hooked, I want to be thrilled and at times I just want to sit back in amazement at His unfailing and undeserving love. There is literally never a situation that I don't come up against that He doesn't kindly allow me the opportunity to change, even if I feel I am not the one that needs it. Most of the time it is painful, but if I choose to be obedient and willing to trust Him I usually am able to see the blessing in the outcome that ends up being more beneficial to me than anything else. Every time I start to think that I have things figured out I start preparing myself for the next situation. Before I know it I find myself back to square one, and although most of the time in a different place, He brings me there to meet again. So this is it. A safe place for me to share and hopefully a place that you would be willing to share also. This scripture came to mind today when I was thinking about what to post, Jeremiah 24 (The Two Baskets of Figs). More times than I can count I have flipped open my bible and it has opened to this page. For years I have questioned God why He kept leading me to this, now I know. Serving Him is an ever changing, ever sifting, pursuit to live within His will. Though daily we may fail, His Grace and Mercy and love never do.