I feel like
it has been so long since I’ve jumped on here. I’m glad to have some time today
to sit back and reflect on God’s grace and mercy from the past few weeks. I
know that I have so much to share I’m just not sure how to say any of it. Have
you ever been that way? I’m not mad, not depressed, not frustrated…just quiet.
I think this is where I am learning what God means when he says in Psalms 46,
Be still and know that I am God. Sometimes when we refuse the stillness, he simply
removes the words. I am hoping that today I will be able to find the words to
share and glorify all He is doing.
This Saturday,
May 26th, my Papa went home to be with the LORD, just 3 days short
of his 72 Birthday!!! I use exclamation marks because as most of you know this
would not have been the case just a few weeks ago. Yes, he met Jesus somewhere
in the middle of the night, in the middle of his suffering and pain…I can’t wait
to one day know how that came to be. Thank you to everyone who prayed for his
salvation, what a blessing to know that he is home.
I’ve been in
this really strange place lately and haven’t been able to pull myself out of
it. I’ve struggled with setting healthy boundaries and on the flip side I’ve
struggled with the ones that I feel God has torn down. I’m realizing that for
the past few months I have been burdened with things that I should have laid at
his feet long ago. Twice this week I have come across this verse and I know it
was for a reason, after seeing it again I have received it as confirmation over
so many things. Isaiah 44:24, This is what the LORD says, your Redeemer, who
formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone
stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself. Anyone else need
to hear that today? I have struggled and worried over so many things and when I
wasn’t worrying about them I convinced myself I was not equipped to proceed
further with them. The problem is I was focusing on me, not Him. All along God has
been waiting for me to turn to him and lay it at his feet. I love the part of
the verse that says “by myself”. Sometimes I just need to be reminded that he doesn’t
need my help in the ways that I typically offer it. My part is to bend the knee
and lay it at his feet, which for me at times is easier said than done. You
know he wants to grab me by my ears sometimes and say, “release it! Let it go,
you are only making this more miserable on yourself (well let’s be honest…on
all of us)l I can handle it…by myself!!!” (By the way have you ever read any
articles on writing with exclamation marks? Don’t, I did and I feel like an idiot
every time I use them, especially when I group them!!!!!!!!…grin).
Every time I
think about my life right now overwhelmed is what I use to describe it. I’m not
sure if I am in a place where I am taking all the things that I hear, read and
know and applying them personally or if this is just part of the work that God
has called me to do. All I know is that it is hard to deal with such tragedy
and grief for others when you are going through your own grief yourself. I say
every bit of this out of love and compassion for everyone and every situation that
I am praying for but I believe if we are not careful it can become a stronghold
of worry and fear in our own life. What I want to point out is that our commitment
and devotion to seeking out the will of God is what makes every bit of being
part of the sorrow and suffering worthwhile. God uses it to sift us and to
inspire us so we become stronger and are more equipped to discern the moments
when we need to lay it at His feet. We just need to be sure we are covering and tending to our own life and situations in prayer too. Do you know why this is so real for me?
Because each and every day God blesses me with encouragement, obedience and
sometimes just a good ole dose of tough love (when I am willing to receive it).
If I allow it he always comes through, yes even when the answers are no, and
then when I am open to the change the blessings are poured out and my soul is quenched
again.
Some may disagree
with what I am about to say but my relationship with Jesus has always been one
that I seem to be begging for more of. I constantly ask for more clarity and
direction. I daily ask for him to speak to me and equip me with the discernment
and wisdom to understand his power in my spirit and to cleanse me of the ways
of my flesh. I want to know Him and understand Him in a way that against all
odds I will stand a proclaim Him as my savior and to know that my devotion to
Him in this life is one that has purpose. I simply want to know Him and love Him
more.
The gift
that I want to give to my family and my children and the ones that God allows
me to serve with is this. Psalm 103:17-18 “But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their
children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his
precepts.” What greater gift then to be able to stand by the ones you love and
the ones you serve than to plant a seed that from everlasting to everlasting God
will tend to and make grow. It is turning into the most beautiful thing that
I have ever been allowed to be a part of. I just want to know that I’m not
doing this alone and even though at times I may feel secluded God has blessed
me with a group of women (family and friends) that let me know they pray for
me. It is truly life changing. Just in case you are feeling alone I want to offer
that up for you. If you have anything that you need prayer over please comment
on the blog or e-mail me kristy.watts53@yahoo.com
and I will do just that. I would like to close with a few prayer requests
myself, don’t feel obligated but if God lays it on your heart I assure you it won’t
be wasted.
1. Pray for my family for healing and
comfort over losing my Papa, Gene Clare
2. Pray for my 16 year old brother who
is in Tx Children’s dealing with blood on his brain (from boxing with a
friend). He is doing really good now but we are praying that they do not have
to go in and drain it. He is the one who just lost his mother (my step-mom Mona
Pennington) last August. This has not been easy to deal with without her for my
dad and brother.
3. I have a serious case of writer’s
block, so please pray for me to have discernment over this. I need clarity if
this is a closed door from God or just something to work through.
4. I am co-leading a bible study with
Theresa Donlon (she lost her daughter in the terrible car accident this February).
It is a study on hope after loss. It is becoming larger than either one of us
expected and we just need to be covered in prayer along with everyone who
attends. It starts on Tuesday June 12th from 7-9 for 9 weeks.
Thank you!!!
Ephesians
1:17-23, I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that
you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be
enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the
riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,19
and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like
the working of his mighty strength,20
which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated
him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and
dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but
also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and
appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the
fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
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