Obedience

I have felt a strong urge lately to ask myself this question, "Are you being obedient to God?" Seems simple, right? Well, after two weeks of questioning myself, the truth of the answer was no. I've wondered so many times why the calling that he placed upon my life 10 years ago had not come to pass, I quickly thought about how my lack of attention and obedience has probably hindered the doors to be opened. You see I create this list in my head and it's full at all times. I run myself ragged and then run myself again. I look back on a week and think, wow what did I do for Jesus this week? Were my actions and attitude even worthy of Him speaking to me or teaching me? Last Thursday I had a few hours without my kids and decided to go to the mall to waste some time. As I walked through the halls I felt so convicted. For so many years I have begged God to teach me, to open the doors to my ministry, to fulfill His promise to me and yet I haven't fulfilled my promise to Him to be a servant that is fully equipped. (2 Timothy 3:16-17¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the servant of God^[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.). So last Thursday, I left the mall, finished my errands and made this commitment. Faithful God, Thursdays are yours. So here I am, open and willing to receive a fresh word from Him. Would any of you be willing to commit too? I have a friend who is going to try and work on getting the comments fixed so you can be a part (I am desperate for you to be involved) and I would love to know if God is urging you to take some time out during the week set aside solely for Him. As I type this I wish so badly I could give you a run down of my faults and failures in serving Jesus in my life. I only became a Christian when I was 18 and went full force and then u-turned many times. When I reconnected about 7 years later and allowed God to get serious with me and excepted the very difficult changes that He required in my life, it was then and only then that I began to understand the power He held and the power that was handed over to us through the Holy Spirit. I remember being down on the floor in my office and telling God that at all costs, I just wanted to serve Him, that no matter what the task would be, I would except. What I'm about to tell you is a story on how God called my bluff...and my friend, He won (well of course He did). I woke up one morning from a very disturbing dream, I had dreamt that I was walking through this dark area and God was behind me pushing me ahead. When I saw light I was at a friends house at a BBQ, God pushed me to a table where a man sat with a huge smile on his face (we will call him Joe). I knew this man but not very well, however well enough to know that he probably didn't know Jesus. God literally dropped me in a chair beside him and I knew I was to minister to him. The whole crowd of people (all of them that I knew) starred at me and I knew the judgement was setting in for most of them could not understand the changes that had happened in my life. As I looked back at Joe he took my hand and said shall we pray...then I woke up. How crazy I thought, but didn't think a ton about it. About 2 months after this I received a call from a friend to let me know that Joe had cancer, and like a ton of bricks that dream suddenly hit me. This man is going to die and God wants me to minister to him. I was terrified, nervous and didn't want the people we were affiliated with him to have more of a reason to judge. I told my husband and continued to pray about it. I passed this mans house everyday for 5 months and could never force myself to stop. I even thought at one time I would stop in at Mels and bring him food that way at least if he had no idea who I was and if I totally blew it I could set the food on the table and run, but guess what I never did. One day I felt the LORD pressing so heavy upon to stop and literally I said out loud, "God I know I don't deserve this but please give me another sign that this is really from you." I pulled into Wal-Mart a few minutes later to pick up a few things for the office (at 7:30 am) and God as my witness that man was standing at the end of my isle. Brace yourselves, I panicked and ran away. I'm embarrassed even now. I want you to know that I ignored God for 2 days, hoping we could both just forget about it (oh how ridiculous were are sometimes). I never heard another thing about Joe, until October 31, 2008 when we received the phone call that he had passed. We were in the hospital, only 24 hours after having our daughter, and I was beside myself. I felt so responsible and so sad. It took me several hours to realize that God wasn't going to let this mans salvation rest upon me alone. However, it did open my eyes in a way that I will never be the same for. You may ask if I still pray that same prayer and if I am I still willing to be a servant at all costs, no matter the pride in situations. Yes. And man has it been tough sometimes. When I feel the Holy Spirit move in me over certain situations I hit my knees, search for a scripture and get to work. Yes I have been nervous and uncomfortable and even at times red faced and sweating. But this my friend is more precious than gold for me and I am honored when I am called upon. So keep your head up, remain focused and trust Him in all situations. Know that if our God is big enough to bring us to a situation, that He is big enough to see us through the other side. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.