The change of change

Something happened this last week that has flipped my normal routine upside down. Our mom and pop gas station that we have traded fuel at for the last 13 years has closed down. Actually, my mom bought there when I was a kid and Will has been there probably 16 years. I know this sounds a little much but I was devastated. There is never a trip made to Tomball that I don’t stop by, fill up, grab a hand full of honey candy and sign my name to an index card and when I have my kids we wave through the window and they sign for me. It’s small town and makes me happy. Now it’s closed. I fell the exact same way when I look across the street and Klein’s grocery is closed. I always did my Holiday grocery shopping there and loved to see their shiny trees and bells that hung from the light poles. Needless to say, I hate change. As I signed our last check for them yesterday something accrued to me. What if the apostles were the same way? I’m sure that Peter, Andrew, James and John probably set out every day with the same goal in mind. They probably used the same bait or traveled to the same location and spent the day doing what they knew best, they fished. When the day was done I’m sure they took their catch and finished out the day doing the exact thing they did the day before. Then one day a man walks up to them and says, “Come follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Maybe they were so tired of doing the same thing over and over that the adventure of the unknown is what lead them to go,  or maybe it was just something about this man that they couldn’t turn down. Either way, they followed. There is a popular Christian song by Chris Tomlin that really speaks to me. The chorus says this, “Where you go I’ll go, where you stay I’ll stay, when you move I’ll move… I will follow you. Who you love I’ll love, how you serve I’ll serve, if this life I lose I will follow you. I love this song, but more than that I love how it motivates me. I know that if I follow Jesus it is going to require change (tired of my talking about change yet?) and as long as He is my leader I want to be willing to follow. After I gave my heart to Jesus I defiantly made changes, good changes…big changes. But what God is showing me now is the importance of change and how it is going to be a part of my every day routine. I spent so much of my life changing for people or things that cared nothing about me. Now I have Jesus who gave His life for me, who was tortured to wear the redemption of my sins, and yet I hesitate. Someone once spoke these harsh words to me, “Why are you so worried about looking like a fool for Jesus when you have acted a fool for Satan time and time again.” I have never forgotten it. I think we get the whole “I’m a good person” mentality and believe that it is enough. I’m sorry to say but the bible doesn’t stop there. Matthew 5:14-16 says, You are the light of the world. A city on the hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. – What if for just one week we prayed this scripture daily and were willing to be open in letting God use us. Would we be willing to follow? If you decide to do this I would love to hear what happens because I promise you if you are willing He will move you, I’ll share too. One last thing that I wanted us to do together is this. Post a comment that simple says what you are thankful for. At Thanksgiving we each had a number on the bottom of our plates. If you had 1.) you were to list 3 things that you were thankful for in 2011, 2.) was share 1 thing God had blessed you with this year, 3.) was tell someone in the room why you were thankful for them and 4.) was tell how you blessed someone else this year. It was so awesome! I think we forget, life gets hard and we sometimes think that there isn’t much to be thankful for. Of course all we have to do is watch the news or listen to missionaries to realize how much we really have. Here is mine.

Kristy Watts

I am thankful for this journey I call life. The good and the bad, the tears and the laughter and the healing hand of God. I am thankful for His grace and His mercy and His faithfulness.

As I type this I am listening to a gospel choir sing this song. Wish you could hear it too.

What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

For my pardon, this I see,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
For my cleansing this my plea,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Nothing can for sin atone,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
Naught of good that I have done,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

This is all my hope and peace,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
This is all my righteousness,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Now by this I’ll overcome—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
Now by this I’ll reach my home—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Glory! Glory! This I sing—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
All my praise for this I bring—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Burning Bridges Part 2

Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

So…anybody read Proverbs 3 this week? I was asked why I chose this particular chapter of scripture in relation to the post. After reading it every day I realized that for me, it was just what spoke to me during those trying times of change. It showed me the true importance of not leaning on my own understanding in life but to fully lean on God. So many times when we are required to change something we get defensive on how it would be beneficial to us. Many times, maybe I should say most times, it isn’t until after the storm has passed that we realize why God placed so much importance on it. One of my favorite versus in this chapter are vs. 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. If I ever needed anything at that point in my life it was a straight path. I spent so much time riding the craziness of the winding roads and being so worried about not knowing what was coming next that when I did jump on the straight and narrow it took me forever to adjust to the freedom and consistency that was provided. I read a quote out of a bible study a few weeks ago and it has stuck with me, the writer simply said this, “There is more freedom in boundaries.” In this society do we even know what it means to have freedom or boundaries anymore? Do we really have freedom in the way that we are pressured to look, act, spend and accept things? I have talked with so many that are shocked at how easy it is for us to become so desensitized to plain black and white sin all around us. I ask the question, “What happens as a result of all of this?” My answer, we began to water down what the Word of God says. He will not accept the ways of the world and we are not to conform to them. We cannot package God in our pretty little boxes and expect Him to accept the things in our life that He did not put there.  We can give many names to these “bridges” that we keep crossing in our lives. But the simple truth is, they become masters over us and the end result of not letting them go is bondage, some for the rest of our lives. I know I’ve said this before but honestly it is just time to call it what it is, get some serious healing and redemption over it and move on. I really never like to try and use a passage of scripture and leave parts of it out to make a point but I thought I would share this with you. I remember about two weeks after God had given me “The List” I sat down to go over it again. At that point I wasn’t ready to bust out the torches but I was willing for the first time to fully trust Him over it. It was the strangest feeling but I knew that He was serious. So like many other times I grabbed my bible and prayed for Him to give me an active word…this is what he gave me. Isaiah 30:15b, In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (vs.18) Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!...(vs19b) you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it. Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered in gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, “Away with you!” Hmm, your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered in gold. That is exactly what I did. The things in my life that were so important to me became my idols even my sin, in some way I worshiped them or I at least placed them higher than anything else and certainly higher than God. – So whatever it is to us, whatever we call it…sin, idols, masters, strongholds, learned behaviors, slavery,  generational curses, poor choices, and hopeless situations, dead in roads with no way out…whatever it is, I will promise you this. ” There is freedom in discernment, freedom in change and freedom in deciding to trust Him and walk in His ways.  I know this one. I also know that letting go of some of these things may seem like death to you. But many burned bridges later I’m still standing and I am stronger and wiser from it. And you know what…I can say this with everything in me...it is for freedom that Christ has set us free! I once struggled over so many things that God was requiring but for some reason I feared not listening more than I feared the change. I guess it was my first dose of godly fear, and I grabbed a hold of it and haven’t looked back. This life is wild, isn’t it? So what about you? I would love to hear from you, of course no personal information about your dealings, but maybe just some things you may be feeling about it.

2 Corinthians  4:7-9 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this

all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. – No matter what the enemy has told you, you are not abandoned, you are not destroyed.

Burning Bridges

Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 So here is the first part of my testimony. I had no intention of sharing this today but I read this quote on Facebook this morning and knew this was to be the topic. It said, "The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn". Wow, I need a sign that says that for my office. Around 6 or 7 years ago I reached a point in my walk with God where I felt empty. I had spent a huge amount of time and healing on the mountain top with Him when all of a sudden I felt like I fell off a cliff. I was really confused and talked to my mother in law about it. She showed me Psalm 139 and after reading it I decided to start my daily prayer time with those last two versus that I listed above. Can I just say that it is not for the faint of heart! God did not waste a moment before He began to give me what I have called for the last 6 years, “The List”.  What struck me about this quote was that I literally looked at each of my sins and strongholds as individual bridges. As He would give me something (person, place or thing) I would actually picture myself walking up to the bridge. Then I had to make the decision as to walk across or tear it down. If I walked across who would encourage me on, Jesus or the Enemy?  Was Jesus waiting for me on the other side or was I about to step into the dark wilderness all alone? I think the hardest part for me were the things that He required for me to hand over that weren’t so obvious. I mean some bridges just looked scary, broken boards, warning signs and old. Then others seemed safe and new and harmless. I went through a season of hurt and frustration over them and at a time stopped praying for Him to search me, I’m laughing as I type this. The fact was that more than anything else I wanted to be saved from my guilt, my shame and my worries and if I were going to do that then I knew there was no turning back, and how could I…those bridges were gone. Deuteronomy 6:5, The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. I mean how can you do that if your life is filled with things that hurt you heart, empty your soul and make you weak? I accepted the challenge and six years later still fight with burning bridges. Have you ever been across one of those HUGE bridges? Like the one that you have to cross in Louisiana? Well, that is the bridge that I struggle with today. Swap land underneath, no place to pull over and once you enter on there is no end in sight for a really long time. I’m inching my way closer to torching it and when I do the victory that will be won will have the devil fighting mad. The bible holds so many scriptures that helped me, and encouraged me when things were hard. Here are a few. 1Peter 5:8, Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Galatians 5:25-26, Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Matthew 18:7, Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! My list could go on and on. One thing I want to make clear is this. Your list probably wouldn’t be the same as mine. God knows our hearts, our struggles and our weaknesses. I wanted to ask as a group if you would be willing to commit to something for the next 7 days. Find a notepad, piece of paper, journal or whatever you have and daily open your bibles to Proverbs 3. Commit to reading it daily and ask God to reveal to you anything that is holding you back. Take the time to journal any feelings or thoughts and at the end of these seven days be willing to do a little bridge burning of your own.

Proverbs 3 ¹ My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, ² for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. ³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. ⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.^{[a] 7} Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. ⁸ This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. ⁹ Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops; ¹⁰ then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. ¹¹ My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, ¹² because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.¹³ Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, ¹⁴ for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. ¹⁵ She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. ¹⁶ Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. ¹⁷ Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. ¹⁸ She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
those who hold her fast will be blessed. ¹⁹ By wisdom the LORD laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; ²⁰ by his knowledge the watery depths were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. ²¹ My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; ²² they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. ²³ Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.
²⁴ When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. ²⁵ Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, ²⁶ for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared. ²⁷ Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. ²⁸ Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”— when you already have it with you. ²⁹ Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. ³⁰ Do not accuse anyone for no reason— when they have done you no harm. ³¹ Do not envy the violent or choose any of their ways. ³² For the LORD detests the perverse but takes the upright into his confidence. ³³ The LORD’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. ³⁴ He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed. ³⁵ The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame.

I’ll end with this, one of my favorite versus.

Psalm 97:1-6

¹ The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice.
² Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. ³ Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side. ⁴ His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles.
⁵ The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth.
⁶ The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all peoples see his glory.

Fear vs. Faith

Well, here it is the big one for me. Fear. I am crippled by it at times and at least once a week I convince myself that I need medication for it. Why is it that after walking so close with Him that this one still has hold of me? The answer is….I have no idea. I can only believe that it is a lack of trust and faith in Him and a constant struggle in letting go of my control (Ok so I may have some idea.). It makes me sad to even admit this to you but it does no good to keep these thoughts to myself. I told myself from the beginning that if there were anything that I wanted to bring to this blog it was honesty and I am just being uncomfortably honest with you on this one.  I remember hearing Beth Moore ask us this question one time and I wanted to ask it to you today. Do you believe that God is more of a taker then a giver and that your blessings are only to be received in heaven? It was huge for me, and my answer was yes. I wonder how many of you feel that way.  Since then I have made it my focus to be healed in that area and to be able to except the love, plan and blessings that my God has for me. Of course my answer to that question could not have been farther from the truth; but unfortunately inside my fear stricken way of thinking it was the first time I was able to hear my fear put into words. I have asked God to be brutally honest with me in showing me the sin in the lack of my faith and trust and thought you may get a kick out of one of the ways He has chosen to show me. I guess in this situation there was a third option, choose faith, fear or… move. About two and a half years ago our friends were watching our children when I got a phone call that went like this, Hello…Kristy, I’m about to freak you out…silence…is everything ok?...Well, everyone is ok but we just killed a baby copperhead in your son’s bedroom. I’m not sure what my response was from that point on or maybe I’m just not willing to type it but needless to say I was freaking out. Now, I am married to a manly man, a good old Lubbock country boy, but when it comes to snakes he handles it about as good as I do. When we got home that night I was obsessed with searching every part of our house.  All I could think of is that if it was a baby then there was a family and I was praying that their family wasn’t living with my family, follow me? I searched and searched until after midnight when I finally, reluctantly crawled into bed. I was so freaked out by the thought of a poisonous snake anywhere close to my children and hated feeling so invaded. After tossing and turning forever I finally prayed. I thanked God for protecting my children and that I in no way believed that it was just luck that the snake was found where it was. I also said that I trusted Him to show me at any time if there were ever another snake and believed that He would be faithful again. Let’s just say He has been faithful…and consistent. Since then I have had another snake in my dining room, several (and I do mean several) encounters outside (kids included), a few at the lake and just last week one in my garage. We have more snakes here then Swamp Brothers, at least that is what Braydon says and every single time God has been so totally in the middle of it. He has made things happen and people move in ways that my children were protected and the snakes were found. I know that God prompted/warned Will and I the other night to not let Braydon go in the garage by himself and as Will opened the door the snake was there in between him and the car. After everything settled I nicely asked God (with a smile on my face) if we could be done with this one. I pictured Him smiling at me saying, I don’t know, you tell me. I trust Him completely in this circumstance but have seriously contemplated leaving our place in the country and moving to concrete. Unfortunately, my fear goes deeper than snakes. Isaiah 7:9b says, If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all. I think I’m done sitting, anybody else? I was able to share for a few minutes with two of the ladies in my small group yesterday and was blessed by their encouragement and stories of faithfulness. I am already feeling a bit of freedom in the area that I am struggling with and I truly believe it is because I just put it out there for prayer. We don’t have to be ashamed or worried that it is wrong to have doubts or concerns with God. We just have to be prayerful and diligent about letting Him help us defeat it. At the funeral for my step mom the preacher looked over at the casket and said these words that I will never forget. “She was promised nothing more than this.” In some weird morbid way it made sense to me and I was overcome with peace that my Father knows me and has every single second of my, my kids life, written out. There is not one single thing our worry can change (I’m speaking to myself here). My mind knows this but at times my flesh is still afraid. Matthew 6:27 says, Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Isn’t that the truth. I wonder what would happen if we took all that fear and laid it at His feet and in exchange grabbed a good healthy dose of fear of the LORD.  Deuteronomy 10:12 says, ¹² And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Therefore we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). Hebrews 11:1 says, Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Should faith have substance? I looked up the definition of substance and really loved this one. Substance: the actual matter of a thing, as opposed to the appearance or shadow, reality. The Greek word for substance in this scripture is hupostasis meaning that which stands, or is set under a foundation. So based on those descriptions yes faith has substance. It’s not just something we agree to while speaking out into the sky. It is a choice, a lifestyle.  It becomes an active reaction to an action taken against us. So when we are up to bat what will we choose faith or fear? There’s not a third choice here.  Grab your bible or someone else’s bible (if you don’t have a bible send me a message and I’ll make sure you get one) Ask God to give you a few scriptures in dealing with your specific situation. If you don’t know a lot of scripture go to biblegateway.org and do a word search (example: fear, worry etc.) write them on an index card and study them like your life depended on it. Place them under your pillow, carry them with you in your car. Post them in your kitchen, your bathroom mirror, your desk, wherever it takes…whatever it takes. Isaiah 55:9-13 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me (void) empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  … This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” - I will close with this last thing. Make Him your beginning and your end, at least. Before our feet hit the ground running spend some time with Him. Grab a notebook and start talking to Him. He is all about relationship and relationships take two. Ephesians 6:10-18, (I almost put this in the King James Version, it’s worth looking it up) ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God and pray…Be blessed my friends, I’m praying for you.

A little but of randomness & confession

This is a random post, maybe because I am just in a random mood. I’ll have you know that I just stood in my kitchen, in the dark, well not completely in the dark but dark enough that if my kids got out of bed they would not see me, and ate Creamy Creations Toasted Almond Fudge…out of the container. (I know some of you grammar freaks out there are about to lose it with me right now). Don’t ask me why but it felt so liberating doing that, maybe I just need some sleep.  Just in case you’re wondering I am a die-hard Blue Bell fan but this ice cream is wonderful. Told you this would be random. Anyways, I am here to confess a few things (James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.) so because of that scripture and hearing my husband say it about 20 times recently I’m doing this, thanks Will. I have been so judgmental and negative the last week or so that I finally acted and said enough things today that I offended myself. I guess I could blame this on being a creature of comfort and give you all the reasons that I don’t adjust well to change or I can just call it what it is and claim the sin. However you want to package this one, there is no bow to make this pretty. You see we have this amazing new church that we absolutely love. It’s small with big personality and we are currently getting ready to move into our new building. I feel like we found this place at the perfect time and we are really excited to be a part of the new changes about to occur. We have met new people and have created new friendships but all of a sudden I have felt myself shutting down. I just recently discovered that this church is a huge supporter of missions and also focuses a ton on CLG groups (small groups) and I must say that takes me a little out of my comfort zone. Missionaries are amazing to me. I respect their dedication and involvement in ways that I don’t have the words for. I was recently invited to listen to this amazing young woman who is literally dedicating her life to the mission field and moving to Thailand and not for a year a two, I mean moving. I envy all of this but might I add I do this from the comforts of my sweet home. Then there is the CLG groups. Well, I appreciate small groups but honestly that falls on my list of “one more thing to do” and usually doesn’t get done. I’m always grateful when I do attend but not so willing to devote the time. I hope this post does not come across as anything negative about my church, it actually has nothing to do with my church, it is just me putting my thoughts and struggles out there for you to read (whoever you may be J). What I am getting at is this, I love my alone time with God, and maybe at this point I’ve become too comfortable in it. When I felt God calling me to a writing ministry 10 years ago I only imagined time spent alone with Him (and maybe teaching a class or two). I guess I dreamed up a life of seclusion with Him; how I ever missed the interaction with my church family I have no idea, but here I am working out the details. The reason I spill all of this randomness to you is to ask this question. Do we find ourselves too comfortable in our routines, our callings and our church? Are we just getting by with the minimal requirements and missing out on fulfillment from serving and stepping out of our comfort zone? Yes, yes and yes. Come on, if we are going to be honest with ourselves we all know that there is more that we can be doing and if we are willing to listen to God he will lead us. As I sorted thru my thoughts today I felt God reminding me of this. Psalm 139  You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

After reading that what else can I say? He knows our thoughts, He knows our intentions and more than anything He knows our hearts. When I choose to act and feel like I have lately I know that He is not pleased, to say the least. As Christians we are called to serve, to give and to seek the ever changing life plan He has for us. Let us not get complacent with our journey. No one benefits from that. I challenge you to do the same thing that I have challenged myself to do, get up a move forward. My husband just went to the men’s retreat and something the speaker said to them over and over was this, “I, myself will go”. Love it. So as of today, I, myself am going. I’m stepping out of my comfort places and moving forward into the next step of my journey. I may not always be comfortable with the way things are going but I if I can stay focused on God and allow Him to lead me than I know His Glory will prevail. So as I embrace the newness of my church I pray that I will have a willing spirit to experience new things and create new beginnings. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. So I ask you, Are you equipped? And if so are you seeking your good work? If not then let me just suggest that it’s time to get out of our pretty little boxes and step out into the open. The Word of God also says this, 2 Timothy 3:1-5  But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,  treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—  having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. Listen, this is happening everywhere we look. They need us, God needs us to be His servants. Each of us have a much needed calling and there is just no time to waste anymore. What are we waiting for? Some miraculous fire in the bushes…If you are willing take the time this week a read the book of Titus (it is very short). Let God speak to your heart and lead you into the journey He has created for you. Let Him set the limits on what you can handle, I promise you, you will be blessed by it. Feeling empty? Turn to this. 2 Timothy 4:2-8  Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.  For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.  They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.  But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. - I want to keep the faith, and although there are days that I’m not very good at it I am determined to actively reach for it. What about you?

Is there Joy in sorrow?

I don’t know about you but I have had a week where I have been really sensitive and had some serious sorrow over some things (ok ladies, let’s just be honest here, we all know what that means – sorry guys).  I think it may be because this time of year gets very busy for us, good busy, but in return it makes me miss some things, mainly people. In the last year and a half we have lost two core people in our immediate family, my granny and my step-mom. I can’t help but get sad when I think about both of my kids having Birthdays before the end of the year and of course the Holidays, things will never be the same without them. So, if we have no choice but to push through this harsh and crazy thing we call life, don’t you want to do it with Jesus? I know I do. And if he is the only reason that you decide to crawl out of bed some mornings then so be it. Today I wanted to talk about dealing with two types of sorrow; first let’s look at sorrow from (heartache/loss) in affiliation with Joy.  Isaiah 35:10 say, and those the LORD has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Jeremiah 31:12 says, They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD— the grain, the new wine and the olive oil, the young of the flocks and herds. They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more.  Jeremiah 31:13 says, Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. My friend, I hate to even think about what you may personally be feeling over this topic. There are some of you that have experienced hurt in a way that I’m afraid to even let my mind consider but what I want to suggest is this. Sometimes in the darkest places we can see Him the clearest. Sometimes just finding the strength to climb to your knees and cry out to Him is where He comforts us the most. There is no magical formula here when dealing with this type of sorrow, but we have a God who carries the name Jehovah Rophi, meaning He is our healer. Psalm 147:3-5 says, ³ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ⁴ He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. ⁵ Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.

Let me also suggest that sorrow isn’t only in dealing with loss or heartache, it happens a ton in dealing with bondage from our sin. Anybody know what the definition of godly sorrow is? It is the conviction of the Holy Spirit in your heart; for any wrong doing, and for your need to repent. 2 Corinthians 7:10 says, Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. Let me clarify what I am trying to say here. In this life we will deal with sorrow, there is no possible way around it. What I am suggesting is this, whether we have sorrow from heartache & loss or sorrow brought upon ourselves from choices made in sin; you can be healed and made whole again. I want you to understand this 2 Cor 5:21 says, God made him (Jesus) who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. This is what this is all about! Jesus died for the salvation of our sins, so that we may have relationship with God, to cry out to Him and be heard. To be healed by Him in all of our sorrows and to know Him in a way that surpasses any human relationship. There is help, there is hope, his name is Jesus. Just hand over the thing that is causing so much misery and sorrow in your life and let Jehovah Rophi heal you. Let Him heal you and wash you clean. Psalm 30:5 says, ⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning. It’s not too late, believe me, He’s big enough to handle it.  Every once in a while when I feel that thing called sorrow creeping up on me I tend to find myself in the same cycle of hopelessness. I run to my bible and cling on to this. Galatians 5:1 says. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Let’s just call it what it is, and be done with it. Amen! Now go out and stand your ground and fight for your freedom in Him. He is waiting.

My portion...

Psalm 119:57-60 57 You are my portion, LORD; I have promised to obey your words. 58 I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.
59 I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
60 I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.
If you do a word search on the word portion (in bible gateway.com) you will see over and over that portion is mainly in relation to sacrifice. I thought this was so perfect because I believe it is not until we are willing to make sacrifices to the LORD, that He is able to bless us with His portion. I asked myself just now what it means for God to be my portion. Here is what I felt. Your portion, LORD is my daily bread, my food for life, my reasoning for fighting for what I know is mine. Your portion LORD is what keeps this anxiety ridden head of mine calm and content. Your portion LORD is what has given my life a real purpose, one that consists of a physical, emotional & spiritual need from you that can not be quenched. Your portion, LORD, is the soul difference between me just claiming to be a Christian verses choosing to stand up and being willing to serve and do something for His Kingdom. When was the last time that you just could not get enough of Him? Let me dare to say this, but if you can not remember, maybe it’s time to offer up a sacrifice (or two). I can promise you that this is not how this has always been for me. I would listen to people talk about this amazing relationship and love they had for Jesus and I would often feel like I was failing because I didn’t feel the same way. After asking Him why my walk seemed so different He did not waste much time in showing me the things that were hindering it. He will never force himself upon us, unfortunately. He will however pull back his covering to the extent of feeling bare and exposed in ways like never before. I’ve always been told that if you feel far from God turn around, and I still believe that in most situations. However, I also believe that at times He just steps back and allows me to feel the distance between us. A hallowing, dark, empty distance…and I don’t like it. Romans 4:7-8 says, Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him. The original Greek word for never in this passage is a double negative…no, never. This is beautiful scripture and one that I have had underlined in my bible for a long time along with a ton of notes around it. What I want you to see here is that although every single bit of that scripture is truth, ours sins do not come without consequence and for me, sacrifice. I want us to stop pretending to be living in a way that we are not. Anybody else? Sometimes I even try to kid myself…so ridiculous. Romans 5:2-5 says this, And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us. So this is the thing, do you want your portion from Him or not? Then seek it. Turn today, reach out to Him, pour out your heart, your faults, your hurt and you concerns. He will listen, He will provide, He is just waiting on you to be faithful in acknowledging that He is able. I love these verses in Isaiah, 44:22 says, I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you… vs.24 This is what the LORD says - your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb. I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself. Now try and tell Him he isn’t capable of dealing with anything you bring to the table…Isaiah 61:7 says, Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Gods word is for us, it doesn’t matter if in the Old Testament or New (we are just not under the law of the Old, because we have freedom in Christ). So don’t ever think that just because God spoke these things so many years ago that they aren’t to be applied to our life now. His word is alive, His love is endless, and His portion for you is overflowing. Get out there and go claim what is yours.

In a dry and parched land...

 

Psalm 63 ^-1You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

If you live close to me you know exactly why I put this scripture in here. Rain! and a ton of it. Nothing better than a great church service with visiting family, good lunch, football....and rain. My favorite kind of Sundays. I read this scripture last week and have thought about it often, I thought I would share what God put on my heart with it. There are just times in my walk with Him that I feel...for better words parched. It's often that the longing for God only happens long after the thirst for His word has stopped. I wonder how at times He consumes my entire days or weeks to then realize some days I haven't meet with Him at all. I used to try and recommit and reschedule things to try and fit Him in, now I just fit Him in first (even if it means giving up that last hour of sleep). I have also had to remind myself that my walk with God doesn't always consist of the mountain top moments. I have not only had to adjust to the times spent deep in the valley, but to learn how to enjoy the journey of the climb. My personality wants a full blown active, fulfilling experience...at all times. God doesn’t work that way. Anytime I am willing, He teaches me, anytime I let go of my pride, He is willing to move me and anytime I am willing to be still and listen, He speaks. But this doesn't occur when I only devote a 30 second prayer to Him and defiantly does not occur when I choose to not open the bible and just simply read. I don't know about you but I want more, and if it is out there to receive I want to be sure and not miss out. That is really all I had today, if this in anyway speaks to you I hope that today would be the day that you make the change. I hope you are enjoying this wonderful unusual day and I pray that God shows you something really great...even if it's just for you to understand.

Psalm 63 2-5 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. ⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you...

 

Info

Thanks everyone for jumping on and being a part of this. If anyone knows how to post comments please advise. Some can, most can't. Also, there is a way to be notified when a new post is made, I will get the details and let you know. I'm hoping to post weekly, every Thursday. Talk to you soon.

Obedience

I have felt a strong urge lately to ask myself this question, "Are you being obedient to God?" Seems simple, right? Well, after two weeks of questioning myself, the truth of the answer was no. I've wondered so many times why the calling that he placed upon my life 10 years ago had not come to pass, I quickly thought about how my lack of attention and obedience has probably hindered the doors to be opened. You see I create this list in my head and it's full at all times. I run myself ragged and then run myself again. I look back on a week and think, wow what did I do for Jesus this week? Were my actions and attitude even worthy of Him speaking to me or teaching me? Last Thursday I had a few hours without my kids and decided to go to the mall to waste some time. As I walked through the halls I felt so convicted. For so many years I have begged God to teach me, to open the doors to my ministry, to fulfill His promise to me and yet I haven't fulfilled my promise to Him to be a servant that is fully equipped. (2 Timothy 3:16-17¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the servant of God^[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.). So last Thursday, I left the mall, finished my errands and made this commitment. Faithful God, Thursdays are yours. So here I am, open and willing to receive a fresh word from Him. Would any of you be willing to commit too? I have a friend who is going to try and work on getting the comments fixed so you can be a part (I am desperate for you to be involved) and I would love to know if God is urging you to take some time out during the week set aside solely for Him. As I type this I wish so badly I could give you a run down of my faults and failures in serving Jesus in my life. I only became a Christian when I was 18 and went full force and then u-turned many times. When I reconnected about 7 years later and allowed God to get serious with me and excepted the very difficult changes that He required in my life, it was then and only then that I began to understand the power He held and the power that was handed over to us through the Holy Spirit. I remember being down on the floor in my office and telling God that at all costs, I just wanted to serve Him, that no matter what the task would be, I would except. What I'm about to tell you is a story on how God called my bluff...and my friend, He won (well of course He did). I woke up one morning from a very disturbing dream, I had dreamt that I was walking through this dark area and God was behind me pushing me ahead. When I saw light I was at a friends house at a BBQ, God pushed me to a table where a man sat with a huge smile on his face (we will call him Joe). I knew this man but not very well, however well enough to know that he probably didn't know Jesus. God literally dropped me in a chair beside him and I knew I was to minister to him. The whole crowd of people (all of them that I knew) starred at me and I knew the judgement was setting in for most of them could not understand the changes that had happened in my life. As I looked back at Joe he took my hand and said shall we pray...then I woke up. How crazy I thought, but didn't think a ton about it. About 2 months after this I received a call from a friend to let me know that Joe had cancer, and like a ton of bricks that dream suddenly hit me. This man is going to die and God wants me to minister to him. I was terrified, nervous and didn't want the people we were affiliated with him to have more of a reason to judge. I told my husband and continued to pray about it. I passed this mans house everyday for 5 months and could never force myself to stop. I even thought at one time I would stop in at Mels and bring him food that way at least if he had no idea who I was and if I totally blew it I could set the food on the table and run, but guess what I never did. One day I felt the LORD pressing so heavy upon to stop and literally I said out loud, "God I know I don't deserve this but please give me another sign that this is really from you." I pulled into Wal-Mart a few minutes later to pick up a few things for the office (at 7:30 am) and God as my witness that man was standing at the end of my isle. Brace yourselves, I panicked and ran away. I'm embarrassed even now. I want you to know that I ignored God for 2 days, hoping we could both just forget about it (oh how ridiculous were are sometimes). I never heard another thing about Joe, until October 31, 2008 when we received the phone call that he had passed. We were in the hospital, only 24 hours after having our daughter, and I was beside myself. I felt so responsible and so sad. It took me several hours to realize that God wasn't going to let this mans salvation rest upon me alone. However, it did open my eyes in a way that I will never be the same for. You may ask if I still pray that same prayer and if I am I still willing to be a servant at all costs, no matter the pride in situations. Yes. And man has it been tough sometimes. When I feel the Holy Spirit move in me over certain situations I hit my knees, search for a scripture and get to work. Yes I have been nervous and uncomfortable and even at times red faced and sweating. But this my friend is more precious than gold for me and I am honored when I am called upon. So keep your head up, remain focused and trust Him in all situations. Know that if our God is big enough to bring us to a situation, that He is big enough to see us through the other side. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.